Not being silent about our loss is looking to be the best therapy for me during this difficult time. Through Facebook I've had countless friends reach out to me and share their stories of loss. Although it doesn't make me feel better, as we're talking about too many babies in heaven, it does make me feel less alone.
So I was diagnosed w/ blighted ovum. Meaning the gestational sac and placenta was growing inside of me (the ultrasound showed it was indeed around 7 weeks along) but the baby stopped developing and was reabsorbed into my uterus. Problem is, the placenta is responsible for pregnancy symptoms, so my body still thinks it is pregnant, but there is no longer a baby or embryo. So, until I actually miscarry the tissue, I will feel pregnant.
I don't know how to explain how I've been feeling the past few weeks. At first I thought it was just my uneasy feelings of this pregnancy being "unplanned" and so close to my previous pregnancy. It took me a while, but I did finally make peace with this pregnancy. Yet, that uneasy feeling never subsided. I confided only in Kevin that this pregnancy just didn't feel like it did w/ Liam (he suggested that every pregnancy is different). I accepted that and tried to move on.
About a week ago, I confided in Kevin and a friend that this pregnancy just did not feel right. One source said your body usually reabsorbs the baby into the uterus around 6 weeks (which I did not know until yesterday) so maybe that was what hit me last week, as this would have been around that time. Kevin assured me we had an ultrasound coming up and we would find out more then. So we waited. The day before the ultrasound I told Kevin that I knew something was going to be wrong. And I told my friend a couple hours before the ultrasound something was going to be wrong. I NEVER, EVER felt this way with Liam. I was always confident he was fine!
The next day, my nightmare slowly played out. The techs found nothing through the ultrasound. They thought perhaps I was not as far along as my dates read, so asked me to do a transvaginal ultrasound. This is how we saw Liam for the first time, so Kevin and I were both a bit alarmed when we saw the same sac with Liam, but no little peanut inside of it. We were both looking at each other like "where did it go?" The techs are not allowed to diagnose you, so they asked if I had an appt. to see the doc that day. I didn't, so when they ushered us into another room to see the doc, I knew my instincts had been correct. Five minutes later, the doc came in and delivered the bad news. I was diagnosed with a blighted ovum, which he said would happen to 1 in 5 gals sitting in his waiting room. All I could think (I'm sorry to say) was... "but why me?"
Here's more detail about blighted ovum or anembryonic pregnancy or early pregnancy failure and some of my thoughts:
With an early pregnancy failure, you'll still get a positive result on a pregnancy test, because the placenta begins to develop and starts to secrete human chorionic gonadotropin (hCG), the hormone that these tests look for. Early on, you may also have some common pregnancy symptoms , such as fatigue, nausea, and sore breasts. Later, when the hormone levels begin to go down, these symptoms will subside and you're likely to have spotting or bleeding. (I have had no spotting/bleeding yet, but my symptoms did start subsiding about 5 days ago).
At first you might notice some reddish-brown staining. Later you might have cramps or bleeding as your hormone levels recede. If you're having cramps or bleeding, or your uterus isn't growing as it should, or if your healthcare practitioner can't hear the baby's heartbeat with a Doppler by 12 weeks or so, you'll have an ultrasound to check on your baby. If it's a case of early pregnancy failure, the ultrasound will show an empty gestational sac. (Our ultrasound did confirm my suspicions, there is an empty sac).
You're likely to miscarry – that is, to expel the gestational sac and accumulated tissue – by the end of your first trimester, though it may happen earlier than that. The miscarriage process can take weeks, though, and once you find out you are no longer carrying a baby, you may find it's too emotionally wrenching or physically uncomfortable (if you're cramping a lot) to wait for a spontaneous miscarriage.
In that case, you may be able to use medication to speed up the miscarriage process. Or you may decide to have a procedure – a suction curettage or a dilation and curettage (D&C) to remove the tissue. You'll need to have the tissue removed if you have any problems that make it unsafe to wait for a miscarriage, such as significant bleeding or signs of infection.
(This is the debacle I am in now--do the D&C, which is a surgery and will require Kevin's time off work, as well as run the risk of the job not being completed correctly, thus affecting the chance of future children OR continue on as I am now-light cramping has started, which I can deal with, but it's the emotions and drawing this all out that I think is taking the largest toll right now!).
There are many conflicting discussions about the choice of waiting to miscarry, allowing a natural miscarriage, and having a D and C done. I was told by my Doctor that in 3% of all D and C operations the uterus lining is perforated by the scalpel and the uterus may then grow together--leaving no cavity in which the baby can grow. So, it is important to take into account that there are risks. The bowels also sit directly above the uterus. It is important to remember, however, that the odds of this happening are very low. (So far, doc says all looks good and I am welcome to wait, but he said most people opt for surgery, as they want to move on. Yesterday that seemed so cruel, but after not sleeping last night and feeling like this is being drawn out--I can understand that feeling, really well. I am in a rock and a hard place right now, truly).
When can I try to conceive again?
Some practitioners recommend waiting to conceive until you've had a period, which is likely to happen four to six weeks after you miscarry or have the tissue removed. (You'll need to use birth control while you wait, since you may ovulate as early as two weeks after you miscarry.)
After that, you're in the clear. And one Scottish study of over 30,000 women concluded that women who get pregnant within six months of having a miscarriage actually have the best odds of having a healthy pregnancy. Those women had fewer miscarriages or ectopic pregnancies than women who got pregnant six to 12 months after their miscarriage.
However, while you may be physically ready to get pregnant again, you might not feel ready emotionally. (This is where I am right now). Every woman copes with the grief of early pregnancy loss in her own way, and some women find it takes months until they're interested in trying to conceive again.
What is the cause?
In most likelihood the reason for a blighted ovum is random chromosomal accident (further research suggests a 4 in 5 chance that the cause is chromosomal in this situation). (Our doc believes this was the case for us, something was not correct with the chromosomes and therefore my body caught it and flushed out the pregnancy). In some cases, the egg or the sperm may be of poor quality. The age of the parents may contribute to this factor although this diagnosis happens to all ages. Occasionally the cause may be something other than chromosomal, such as low hormone levels. This is rare but in these cases a treatable condition might be the cause.
The most common (and hurtful) misconception is that there never was a baby. There was an embryo. There is no way to know how much of the baby formed and when the baby was absorbed. The body has reacted to the existence of a fertilized egg, the mother was absolutely pregnant--however brief--there was a pregnancy and an embryo.
A person's life is, unfortunately, forever changed by the loss of a baby. No one should have to experience the kind of pain that goes with such a loss. One moment there is a world of opportunities, with plans and hopes and dreams. Suddenly, they are all gone. It feels so unfair.
How true this last statement is. It does feel so painful right now and I feel so empty. It does seem completely unfair. But for whatever reason, these were the cards we were dealt. I appreciate everyone letting me vent.
When asked yesterday if I'd do anything different (like not share our news until after the first trimester) I reflected and can say that I did hide my pregnancy with Liam until after 12 weeks (which is silly because I learned most miscarriages occur up until 20 weeks) but I always felt like if that pregnancy did not carry to term, I'd regret not telling anyone, as I wear my emotions on my sleeve and people would always know something was wrong. That and, this situation will probably forever change me/us. I would think those closest to me/us would want to know what suddenly caused that.
I truly, truly need to talk and do not want to feel alone. So to answer that question--I would not change a thing this time or in the future. Everyone is different and for me, talking/blogging/discussing has been a great therapy. I don't feel like I should have to sit silently keeping a secret, like it's a bad thing I/we did. Besides, EVERY baby no matter what happens, is a BLESSING and their life should be celebrated and in instances such as these, mourned.
Thank you to those reading, commenting, sharing and encouraging. Your honesty, love and support is truly helping me/us during my grieving process, it truly is. Hugs to all!
So I was diagnosed w/ blighted ovum. Meaning the gestational sac and placenta was growing inside of me (the ultrasound showed it was indeed around 7 weeks along) but the baby stopped developing and was reabsorbed into my uterus. Problem is, the placenta is responsible for pregnancy symptoms, so my body still thinks it is pregnant, but there is no longer a baby or embryo. So, until I actually miscarry the tissue, I will feel pregnant.
I don't know how to explain how I've been feeling the past few weeks. At first I thought it was just my uneasy feelings of this pregnancy being "unplanned" and so close to my previous pregnancy. It took me a while, but I did finally make peace with this pregnancy. Yet, that uneasy feeling never subsided. I confided only in Kevin that this pregnancy just didn't feel like it did w/ Liam (he suggested that every pregnancy is different). I accepted that and tried to move on.
About a week ago, I confided in Kevin and a friend that this pregnancy just did not feel right. One source said your body usually reabsorbs the baby into the uterus around 6 weeks (which I did not know until yesterday) so maybe that was what hit me last week, as this would have been around that time. Kevin assured me we had an ultrasound coming up and we would find out more then. So we waited. The day before the ultrasound I told Kevin that I knew something was going to be wrong. And I told my friend a couple hours before the ultrasound something was going to be wrong. I NEVER, EVER felt this way with Liam. I was always confident he was fine!
The next day, my nightmare slowly played out. The techs found nothing through the ultrasound. They thought perhaps I was not as far along as my dates read, so asked me to do a transvaginal ultrasound. This is how we saw Liam for the first time, so Kevin and I were both a bit alarmed when we saw the same sac with Liam, but no little peanut inside of it. We were both looking at each other like "where did it go?" The techs are not allowed to diagnose you, so they asked if I had an appt. to see the doc that day. I didn't, so when they ushered us into another room to see the doc, I knew my instincts had been correct. Five minutes later, the doc came in and delivered the bad news. I was diagnosed with a blighted ovum, which he said would happen to 1 in 5 gals sitting in his waiting room. All I could think (I'm sorry to say) was... "but why me?"
Here's more detail about blighted ovum or anembryonic pregnancy or early pregnancy failure and some of my thoughts:
With an early pregnancy failure, you'll still get a positive result on a pregnancy test, because the placenta begins to develop and starts to secrete human chorionic gonadotropin (hCG), the hormone that these tests look for. Early on, you may also have some common pregnancy symptoms , such as fatigue, nausea, and sore breasts. Later, when the hormone levels begin to go down, these symptoms will subside and you're likely to have spotting or bleeding. (I have had no spotting/bleeding yet, but my symptoms did start subsiding about 5 days ago).
At first you might notice some reddish-brown staining. Later you might have cramps or bleeding as your hormone levels recede. If you're having cramps or bleeding, or your uterus isn't growing as it should, or if your healthcare practitioner can't hear the baby's heartbeat with a Doppler by 12 weeks or so, you'll have an ultrasound to check on your baby. If it's a case of early pregnancy failure, the ultrasound will show an empty gestational sac. (Our ultrasound did confirm my suspicions, there is an empty sac).
You're likely to miscarry – that is, to expel the gestational sac and accumulated tissue – by the end of your first trimester, though it may happen earlier than that. The miscarriage process can take weeks, though, and once you find out you are no longer carrying a baby, you may find it's too emotionally wrenching or physically uncomfortable (if you're cramping a lot) to wait for a spontaneous miscarriage.
In that case, you may be able to use medication to speed up the miscarriage process. Or you may decide to have a procedure – a suction curettage or a dilation and curettage (D&C) to remove the tissue. You'll need to have the tissue removed if you have any problems that make it unsafe to wait for a miscarriage, such as significant bleeding or signs of infection.
(This is the debacle I am in now--do the D&C, which is a surgery and will require Kevin's time off work, as well as run the risk of the job not being completed correctly, thus affecting the chance of future children OR continue on as I am now-light cramping has started, which I can deal with, but it's the emotions and drawing this all out that I think is taking the largest toll right now!).
There are many conflicting discussions about the choice of waiting to miscarry, allowing a natural miscarriage, and having a D and C done. I was told by my Doctor that in 3% of all D and C operations the uterus lining is perforated by the scalpel and the uterus may then grow together--leaving no cavity in which the baby can grow. So, it is important to take into account that there are risks. The bowels also sit directly above the uterus. It is important to remember, however, that the odds of this happening are very low. (So far, doc says all looks good and I am welcome to wait, but he said most people opt for surgery, as they want to move on. Yesterday that seemed so cruel, but after not sleeping last night and feeling like this is being drawn out--I can understand that feeling, really well. I am in a rock and a hard place right now, truly).
When can I try to conceive again?
Some practitioners recommend waiting to conceive until you've had a period, which is likely to happen four to six weeks after you miscarry or have the tissue removed. (You'll need to use birth control while you wait, since you may ovulate as early as two weeks after you miscarry.)
After that, you're in the clear. And one Scottish study of over 30,000 women concluded that women who get pregnant within six months of having a miscarriage actually have the best odds of having a healthy pregnancy. Those women had fewer miscarriages or ectopic pregnancies than women who got pregnant six to 12 months after their miscarriage.
However, while you may be physically ready to get pregnant again, you might not feel ready emotionally. (This is where I am right now). Every woman copes with the grief of early pregnancy loss in her own way, and some women find it takes months until they're interested in trying to conceive again.
Does having an early pregnancy failure once mean I'm likely to miscarry again?
No. Although you're likely to be worried about the possibility of another miscarriage, fertility experts don't consider a single early pregnancy loss to be a sign that there's anything wrong with you or your partner. Most practitioners will wait until a woman has had two or three consecutive miscarriages to order special blood and genetic tests to try to find out what's going wrong. (Our doctor believes this was due to chance in our case. He does not think we will have any problems in the future, although future pregnancies will be considered high risk due to this miscarriage).What is the cause?
In most likelihood the reason for a blighted ovum is random chromosomal accident (further research suggests a 4 in 5 chance that the cause is chromosomal in this situation). (Our doc believes this was the case for us, something was not correct with the chromosomes and therefore my body caught it and flushed out the pregnancy). In some cases, the egg or the sperm may be of poor quality. The age of the parents may contribute to this factor although this diagnosis happens to all ages. Occasionally the cause may be something other than chromosomal, such as low hormone levels. This is rare but in these cases a treatable condition might be the cause.
The most common (and hurtful) misconception is that there never was a baby. There was an embryo. There is no way to know how much of the baby formed and when the baby was absorbed. The body has reacted to the existence of a fertilized egg, the mother was absolutely pregnant--however brief--there was a pregnancy and an embryo.
A person's life is, unfortunately, forever changed by the loss of a baby. No one should have to experience the kind of pain that goes with such a loss. One moment there is a world of opportunities, with plans and hopes and dreams. Suddenly, they are all gone. It feels so unfair.
How true this last statement is. It does feel so painful right now and I feel so empty. It does seem completely unfair. But for whatever reason, these were the cards we were dealt. I appreciate everyone letting me vent.
When asked yesterday if I'd do anything different (like not share our news until after the first trimester) I reflected and can say that I did hide my pregnancy with Liam until after 12 weeks (which is silly because I learned most miscarriages occur up until 20 weeks) but I always felt like if that pregnancy did not carry to term, I'd regret not telling anyone, as I wear my emotions on my sleeve and people would always know something was wrong. That and, this situation will probably forever change me/us. I would think those closest to me/us would want to know what suddenly caused that.
I truly, truly need to talk and do not want to feel alone. So to answer that question--I would not change a thing this time or in the future. Everyone is different and for me, talking/blogging/discussing has been a great therapy. I don't feel like I should have to sit silently keeping a secret, like it's a bad thing I/we did. Besides, EVERY baby no matter what happens, is a BLESSING and their life should be celebrated and in instances such as these, mourned.
Thank you to those reading, commenting, sharing and encouraging. Your honesty, love and support is truly helping me/us during my grieving process, it truly is. Hugs to all!
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... I love you all!
Mom (aka A-Va)