My doctor called today, my hcg's have gone down significantly (from 11,100 to 2,000 range). He is no longer concerned about a molar pregnancy... Phew dodged that bullet! He diagnosed me with another blighted ovum, although I disagree (more on that below). I have an appt dec 5th to make sure all has passed via ultrasound. I think it has (more on that below).
The process of miscarrying started on Veterans day 11/11/11. I actually passed everything this past saturday 11/19/11 after my acupuncture session on friday afternoon (I credit that for progressing things or I think it would have taken longer). Will spare you the details, but yes it was painful. I'm just grateful I've given birth before-very similar feeling and helpful in the process. The entire miscarriage is pretty much over and I'm confident the doctor will find that all has passed (again credit to acupuncture).
I have been to acupuncture twice (once a week). It is so amazing for stress, nourishment and I hope fertility and health. My acupuncturist is a wonderful woman with a masters in acupuncture and chinese medicine. After evaluating me, she has decided that I'm malnourished and unhealthy, mainly because I'm such a busy mama and person, I tend to neglect things like eating regularly, drinking daily and overall just nourishing myself. She also thinks I carry a lot of weight on my shoulders for a variety if reasons, so she is focusing my treatment on my nourishment and stress points and building up my uterus. All I can say is I seriously leave feeling like I'm on could 9, so relaxed, calm and at peace... Unable to stress if I wanted to and that feeling lasts for days!
I'm also on a new diet, it includes:
+ Eating and drinking, sounds funny, but we are so busy I neglect to do this A LOT!
+ Three meals a day, three snacks a day, all must include a protein
+ Drinking pomegranate juice, eating beets and other red veggies and fruits, healthy foods with minimal processed foods, sugars, etc.
+ Taking supplements like fish oil, vitamin c, prenatals, etc.
+ I run very cold (always cold) so I must focus on keeping my body warm (socks, hats, scarves, jackets) and eat more warm foods
+ I must start taking time for myself to be shannah, doing things I enjoy, not always being the mommy or the wife, she said it's great to put my all into these roles, but not my everything.
In general, I just dont take care of myself very well and she is right, I know that and have. I eat like crap (whatever is quick or convenient) or don't eat all (too many errands, family demands, time constraints (too much planned in a day) or simply, a fussy kid who wants to be held or needs extra attention. She actually had to explain that a good mommy does provide for her child, but also finds time to care for herself.
She also pointed out I tend to stress alot about silly things, one main issue: being an adequate mom. I give myself major guilt trips, for example, when I feel like I've ran errands all week and therefore feel like I've neglected my son. She explained I have to accept I'm doing my best and be okay with it because my body cannot bare the undue stress.
We also discussed the demands of the military lifestyle and being a recruiters wife. She agreed major stress there, but not a whole lot we can change and she thinks I've got a good handle on those demands.
Everything she pointed out I knew. I just thought I was super woman and could do it all! She explained no baby can draw enough nourishment from me, as my body isn't even nourished enough to support me. She reminded me that I've put my body through alot in 26 months (pregnancy, birthing a child, breastfeeding, pregnancy, d & c, pregnancy, miscarriage). So together we are striving for balance. Based on my two treatments and their outcomes, it looks very promising. She truly believes (and I do as well) that my body will bounce back fast since it is responding so well to treatment.
I've said goodbye to another baby, this time I definitely saw the baby, no debate, definitely not a blighted ovum... Just a tiny baby who looks to have stopped growing very early on, thus undetectable by ultrasound. I've moved on, I'm okay with it all, very accepting that it was not the right time, but there will be that time, soon.
Kevin and I discussed this yesterday... this is the game of life. It goes up, it goes down, like a rollercoaster. It's the risk you take when creating a family (and one we agree is worth risk after risk after meeting liam). We have learned the hard way that one challenge (iraq for example) gives way to happier times (liam) and then come those darker moments (miscarriages). But we are stronger for these experiences (our family has been through alot, and we are closer than ever and still kicking!). We are incredibly blessed already, I refuse to sit around being sad, neglecting the gifts I have in front of me now! What is meant to be will find its way to us, it always has and we know there will be more happiness, more tears, more uncertainty, more challenges in the future. You win some, you lose some, and it's totally worth it and we will certainly survive. Bruised a bit, but alive, together and happy!
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